Game of Priorities

                                                           

18^th Oct,2012

Dads 53^rd bday

Family gathering

Feelings of love, anger, possessiveness which I felt yesterday surprised me and left me in tears.  Her marriage, her love for her husband, her new family has in no way changed her but changed her priorities for sure. Suddenly I felt like I lost the right to have a command over her life coz there was already someone for the same. I couldn’t gather the courage to ask her to stay with me the other night coz even if she would have stayed; she was theirs no matter what.

There is this saying in Hindi ‘beti shaadi k baad paraai hojaati hai’, well for me ‘meri didi paraai ho gai’. While she was in Hyderabad I never missed her so badly like I do now. Because then just the distances separated us but now it’s not merely the distance! It’s more than that. It’s slipping away of all those tantrums you could throw on her earlier. It’s missing those demands you could put on her without thinking. It’s buying me this dress from her salary. It’s closing the room and talking endlessly about things going on in life. It’s so many little things that constantly reminded me that I was her first priority back then. 

I kept wondering for a long time after that sudden filmy attack I got. Thanks to the radio for playing songs totally fit for the situation. Did mummy go through the same when mausi got married? Is it the same story for all the younger siblings?  Soon she will have a family to take care of and priorities will keep changing.

Does all this thinking mean I am emotional or too practical?

Pakhi