A letter to Arpanikita

It was their Second Wedding Anniversary and a pictorial story of their journey together was the best gift I could have thought of...

^_^

...one of the pages in my picture book read,

Aaahaa! What a beautiful collection of pictures! With full modesty I accept all the compliments, thank you- thank you! Haha! Jokes apart, Didi and Jiju, you both know how much we all love you; You are the reason the two most amazing families met and became one; Thank you to the two sets of mummyjis and papajis to look up your names in the patrika and calling their respective panditjis. And bless you panditjis and whoever behind the making of this beautiful couple, you did a wonderful job!

Cheers to your two years of togetherness! Your frequent visits to Indore have always been such a delight. After all they add a no. of food stations to my life and fill my cupboard with a pile of clothes from janpat and sarojini. Haha! I am such a lucky sister and a luckier saali. The glow on moms face each time you guys come is not hidden from any of us. Also my emotional dad sometimes shed a tear or two out of extreme happiness at seeing you both. You guys have made me believe in arrange marriages, not that I was ever against; only it’s a common topic of debate and I have the best example in front of me to speak in for the motion.

I wish you both from each member of the family a very happy married life; a lil chiggu whose pictures would be clicked monthly and who would be all pampered by her/his maasi! Space limits me otherwise I could have gone on and on…

Loads and loads of  love,

Pakhi

Sev ki kahanii, meri zubaani

Born in Ratlam and brought up in Indore, sev run in my very veins. If you think I mean namkeen, then you are certainly mistaken. They are SE-O, exactly the way I have put it. You bump into an Indori, you are bound to hear tales about the variety of sevs we proudly consume; from khatta meetha to tez tarrar, from ratlami to beekaneri, from long to heeng, from bhel waale sev to mote sev. Don't be shocked if you find us sprinkling a handful of sev on almost every dish we eat. Indeed we provide sev ki sabji in weddings too, be it Sayaji or pappu ka dhaaba, a sev ki sabji in the menu is a must! While I was a kid, spicy vegetables was a big no-no; but a bowl full of sev didn’t affect me at all; it was an act of sheer pleasure. As teenage arrived, my habit of sev eating was visible all over my face, yet I just couldn’t let it go. For us Indorians being  a seo-holic is a matter of pride. It defines us. In college, the moment everybody open their tiffin, I jump on the one who gets the lil' dabba of sev along with the regular roti-sabji. Aah bless them all. If you are meeting an Indori who by misfortune has to live outside this beautiful city of food, to earn some extra bucks and wondering what to take along; a packet of fresh sev would be enough. No not the the Haldirams, mind you! They are good, no doubt; but we love and promote our local shops more. You can get them at Nakoda on kanadia road or from Mahendra near saket paan wala if in my area else you can just google it, Google baba shall know the sev hotspots in Indore. I would conclude with a fact; A hardcore Indori can never give up on two things; being called an Indori even if he is residing in some US city and well of course, the legendary SE-O!

Jai ho!

Jai Bhiyo

Jai Seo!

Pakhi

To Joshi

2.12.2013

9:23 pm

Vipulllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Long time I wanted to write something for you; something about you. Thought by birthday it would be done, but naah, as if the universe was trying all its force to stop me. But hey I fought, skipping Sayajis yummy delicacies I am trying to scribble something I had long planned.

I am happy to have met a person like you, Vipul. Easy  to go, living life his way, not caring about the society, not faking out for the people around; I like you just the way you are. Yes we do make fun of your reactions, yes we keep puling your leg but the best part is,  you don’t pretend to be someone else, just to fit in. Apart from many rare things you are born with ( I am Paridhi and its my soul right to tease :P ), this quality in you is the rarest and the best thing about you.

I would come to your cooking skills later, now that you owe me some of your sandwiches (even the rice would do) ; It's good to know a guy who is so open about his emotions. Our time to time Fb chats, discussing over random feelings and issues, you have a filled a space in my jigsaw puzzle dude.

For the rest of you who are reading this, this guy is the first I have met, who planned a b'day gift for his mom or who was bold enough to tell. He lives away from his parents, travels alone to cities, he is again a person who is happy with a book (geography book for some rare reasons), coffee and ticket to anywhere on the planet. You meet him, you greet and you will end up with a long chat, FOR SURE. Topic, it could be anything. Sports to Kitchen; History to Bollywood; Virtual to reality any damn thing, so don't worry just say a  Hi.

Joshi, It's great have you as our friend. It's great to have the worlds tastiest tiffin around waiting to be eaten at quarter past twelve. Haha! I was really glad to hear that you enjoyed your b'day, the end of teen  and the start of a new journey…

Wish you all the very best in life. Wish you get a life you would love, a partner who would love you…

Your nautanki Friend

Paridhi 

aka LOL Jain

The Break-UP

Life without you is really cool. I mean it. I was tired of being available 24*7! Three years of you and I badly needed a break. I know you are very important and pretty famous too these days but bullshit! I am sorry but I really wanted some time with myself; These are crucial years of my life and I wanted no one to pull me back. Along with momentary fun you have also given me heart aches, you know, but just to lessen the drama I never confessed it. Now I am. Of course  I have had fun with you too, you were always there no matter what, I met new interesting people through you but it's time we depart, for a while may be but we must. I have changed, I feel more mature and less jobless. I feel to spend time in more constructive things rather and with people who give me happiness in true sense. No I am not upset neither is it any of my mood swings like others are sensing; it's me in completely fine state biding you farewell.

At Peace

Pakhi

I really never had a chance to write a break up letter before so I thought why not! Haha! Just to tell you guys, I was a sincere whatsapp user; indeed one of the earliest birds who had a phone with this app. And so it was just a few WA people in my list back then. But now being online for everyone every time, constant messages, the groups vibrating all day long, also those insomniacs messing your sleep; I started to hate this very app I teased the WA-less community earlier for. I was cheesed off with my own  habit of checking the phone every now and then. Also it wasn't that every time your phone was buzzing with messages; when it didn't I found myself completely clueless about how to pass time; a perfect situation for all the negative thoughts to dwell in my head. The most irritating part was when people, to save on their balance, would WA you the smallest of details and would force you to do the same. ME, I am not good with touch phones and whenever such situation occurred I felt like throwing my brand new b'day gift. I was pulled back to old qwerty keypad for the same reason. I really miss those old phone call times. Three to four phone friends, laughing and sharing life. Or even the SMS times were good enough. At least you didn't appear online or your inbox wasn't filled with 'Why you ignoring me' messages, from people who believe me won't care even if I die.The funniest part of all was on deleting WA, hardly two to three people called me to ask why, and all of them thought something miserable has happened. NO NO NO! It's just I have been wanting to do it for long, but couldn't for this and that reason; the easy access to assignments and practical files you know; but easy access of ME was simply not my intention. Life is okay with few people in it; but few real people.

Pakhi

C'mon You Guys!

Have to prepare two presentations in one night yet I am sitting idly, eyes glued to my facebook page, checking for updates every now and then.  I am so excited about my future. Of course there are going to be times where I can lose all hope and break, I just passed through one but then  you have to be fighter, a creative one indeed. One has to evolve new methods, come up with exciting strategies which keep boosting you up! Yesterday something magical happened; 500 likes on a picture clicked by me in some 40 minutes was unbelievable! A totally *jumping japang jumpuk jumpuk* situation!

I feel proud of the fact that I have never ever hidden anything from my parents. I do belong to that harebrained lot! I do crazy stuff. Yet I am aware of my limits and my freedom. Not praising myself here, no intentions too, only feeling lucky to have these awesome guys as parents! I still remember how well they supported me when I was going through a depressing phase an year back, and it was all about the boy issue, but then I had my dad believing in me and cheering me up! I had my mom filling me with positivity! It's definitely the results of some good deeds in former life, I am so sure of it! I am easily given permission because they know they can trust me, I am allowed to travel alone without a second thought, I am allowed to hang out with guys and meet new people; Unlike other girls of my age, I have never been grounded, never ever the internet facility or mobile phones were snatched away, never did they inquire about whom I texted  with or chatted on facebook or questioned any of my pictures. You know even if you want to try something which your parents don't agree of at first, you have to make them see your view points. You should debate and win that if you believe in your decision; We share a generation gap with them and no doubt there are going to be hitches in the journey. I have found friends entering into relationships and afraid to reveal it to their parents, general case in India. I have found them lying to their parents. I have found them complaining about the junked thoughts of their parents yet I have also found them with a sense of guilt. Guilt, why does that come? If you think you are on the right track, why then the quandary!

Isn't that something to ponder about! Be firm about your decisions and be confident to face anybody  belying them. Teenage is where you make mistakes, learn and grow. But entering twenty and still not sure of your choices, well it's time for some introspection, isn't it?

Pakhi

Life#Mobile#parking slip#discount

DAY 1

Be it 2 o clock at  night, be my eyes all red and wanting to be shut at the very moment, be my handkerchief all soaked up of the fluid from my nose, I have decided to  finally write today; something good ; and not the write ups I usually dump into the private folder. Although I believe, with start so fuildy, why not the private folder again.

Anyway, let's talk of better things in life. Let's talk of life. How about my life. A girl who without thinking takes lift from these unknown guys in car, on their way to college as she missed her bus; who frequently takes rides to home from mere acquaintances; who would sit in a garden with her friends and out of nowhere the idea to mess up the guys hair sitting peacefully in the neighboring group would eat her so much, that she ends up doing it; who  sometimes just for the sake of fun and humor in life would go out of bounds and give her no. to fb strangers (only the ones who win the stranger race, wohooo); who unlike other upper middle class Indian girls would take a van instead of an auto to experience the worst ride ever! For people out there this girl is insane. I mean before jumping into somebody's car, firstly ladies don’t do that, and if they do do, they would go for the long courtesy drama. In my case, "dude thanks a ton!" That's it! And when I tell my friends all about what *new* I did today, I generally don't receive good vibes. They fill my poor little heart with guilt and put my brain under self scrutiny. Of course except for those who are fascinated by my spontaneity but don’t have the guts to be the same.

Well it's not easy to be ME. 

I am afraid of commitment. I am afraid of broken relationships. I am afraid of getting hurt. And so I am ME. A girl with a pair of jeans, a T, a  camera and exploring the world all by herself.

One uneventful day leads to a depressing night and if you are me, you are definitely hovered by thoughts of loneliness... Like it is happening now. Life has been so monotonous for a while. Same routine old life, no excitement, no thrill! Aah! It's so blue in here. And I guess even this note Is going to be discarded into the Private Folder….

Sadness strikes at midnight

Pakhi

DAY 2

And the other day I was searching for some excitement in this mundane life. Who knew that tomorrow was bringing with it a series of events, giving me jitters, taking life out of me for a while and then blowing in again a sense of relief.

I parked my vehicle, slipped  the parking pass into my clutch and quickly answered the phone that was vibrating in my pocket for past 10 min. Furious as I was, I kept mumbling about the nuisances of mobile phones all the way up to the mall. 

"You don’t pick up the phone; you don’t reply to my missed calls; don’t you see my whastapp messages; How dare you block me; Kanjoos get a net pack; Cant you spend one rupee on text message"

Arghhhh! SHUT UP or I WILL SHOOT YOU!

I solely blame this device for what follows next.

After the movie, as I was heading towards Pantaloons, I realized I was missing something. Something was not at its place. I searched my pockets, then my bag, oh FUCK! Where are my keys! I rushed down the basement, recalling what must have happened. Oh the stupid mobile phone. I forgot to pull them out. By now the sweat was dripping down my forehead; my breaths, quick and shallow. I went to the place where I had parked my purple activa, MP 09 SG 1790, but instead of purple activa there was a same colored scooty! Oh what a coincidence, I wondered. She was gone! I talked to the guard, I couldn't find the parking slip as well; and he mocked, well obviously who wouldn't. What a stupid mistake. And also nature made me a woman, damn it! Although I agree to the fact, nothing can be worse than a female driver but I didn’t want to be that girl! I drive well enough! I know! And for god sake this is not the point here. Where do I find my activa now. It was not like it got towed and I just have to reach the nearest thane and get it. It was hard for me to accept the fact that it has been stolen. Still thanks to mumma being a follower of 'shivani ben', I couldn't go that negative. I decided to see the basement 1 where they check for shopping bills and if you haven't shopped above Rs 100, they charge you like 40 bucks! Easy way of making money, hah! Meanwhile I called my friends explaining the whole situation. I ran and panted; was about to shed a tear when I saw an unwashed purple activa, 179 and half a 0; I smiled with relief. I laughed and bumped into a car; Slow was its speed so no bruises there. I literally started jumping , all eyes staring at this mad girl. Well No problem dude, you have no idea what I was going through for past 20 minutes. Although the guards wouldn't let me have her, without showing the legal documents, which for obvious reasons I didn't have, I told them if she is safe here, I don’t have any problem, don’t give! I will come back after shopping and arrange for the papers. Wohooo!! I was taken aback by their security system and out of curiosity  asked them how they caught the thief. "madam uske paas parking slip nahi thi, hum kaise jaane dete. Hamare yahan camera lage hue hain, hame sab pata chal jaata hai." 

Oh so that pink little chit saved her! Until today I was completely ignorant of its importance. I thanked the guard, called up dad finally, asking where to look for the papers. I completely forgot dad is in Government and has contacts. A 2 minutes talk to an employee there, and she was freed. Keys in my hand! Till now I hadn't shopped anything. But parking activa back seemed a pretty bad idea, I hope you can grasp why. I preferred going to Westside with all my dignity intact. By now it was 5 pm and I was starving. I thought all I need is max 20 min and  I will be off home. But no!! It took me one and half hours to select the perfect top. As I was clearing my bill, "madam diwali offer in your card, if you shop above 1000 you get 250 deducted." Son of a bitch I murmured!

And again after one more hour I was finally done, hydrochloric acid had started eating my stomach! I quickly rushed home, humming songs on the way, happy and amazed at the Security, with a thought, ek note likhna toh banta hai… 

Jumping

Pakhi

A peek into my Heart

After receiving mixed comments over my previous blog (deleted now), I wasn't quite satisfied. For some it was too open of me to write such a thing, for others it was as if I am trying to give an open invitation. For me it was neither of that; indeed a modest entry by a girl to quench the loneliness that struck her for a while.

Anyway this post is nothing related to the former.

I started this blog as a diary in which I could pen down *sharable* day to day events, weird thoughts, special people, happy accidents, sad stories and you know! But now I really have to strain my brain to filter out as to what is possibly appropriate for me to post. Aaaah! How I wish I hadn't disclosed my identity before. Apparently I can't openly express my anguish over something neither can I blithely tell about the blushing incidents. I have to craftily write about who is being the pain in the arss and who is the next I am falling for! And it's no easy game if you are thinking so! Half of the time I discard what I have written after spending over an hour to it just coz' of the dreadful thought, "what if he/she reads it"!

How easy life would have been if one could act anonymous and be whatever he wants to. I tried a fake email id on fb when I was this crazy lil' punk kind girl. Added masses of people, flirted with guys (for back then I could not even do F of flirting if I was me) discussed things, got an insight into their life history after serving them a little of my fake family stories; I know it wasn’t the right thing to do, but it was purely fun and on the top of it I did make some awesome friends to whom I later on revealed my true self. I would make the other side cry of my miserable life or sometimes would tell about the fun friend circle, fake sisters I have  and blah-blah all to give a tint of reality to the fake profile; Although most of it was untrue, occasionally I slipped some of my deep dark secrets to the total strangers to get some consolation or different opinions over things which for a 16 year old must have been very important and yet she could never let anybody know them.

You must be wondering what a jobless coward girl! Yes I was one shy girl with pimples  and smudged kohl, bitten nails, only confident academically; when in my friend circle, oh no NO! I would cover my insecurities with a layer of tom boyishh attitude so that no one knows what the heart is pumping (other than blood, of course)!

It has not been long since I have overcome this feeling of timidness and have seen myself with more respect. Plus it has only made me happier; Also one of the reasons I face lesser mood swings now. I have stopped letting things (which directly point to me/my looks/my work/my anything) dwell in my heart and try to react with a good wit at the moment itself (feeling a sense of joy as I do that)! It's very important to value yourself if you want others to do so! More importantly if you want to live happy! I don’t say looks are secondary or everyone (especially girls) can accept that fact easily, for I couldn't. I can't skip the truth that only after reducing few kgs and taking a little care of my body and appearance, have I been able to achieve the confidence level I have now. I always wanted to be known by my work, and I am happy to be called the girl with the camera but now I don’t fear the teasers that come along with that.

Right from the heart

Pakhi

Provoked

*Before you start please note, my mother is also a teacher.

It must be a small issue for most of us; some may just laugh at it and don’t bother to give another thought; others may show their anger but forget it after some time; me, I want to give it a fight. I can’t stand when they hurt my self-respect. I live in a democracy and I have a right to express. I don’t see a teacher and a student as two different species with unequal rights. Why shall a student be mum when he knows that what he is being taught is wrong or what he is being scolded for is unreasonable. Today while explaining myself to one of the faculties in Medicaps, I was asked to put down my hands; I am sorry, I don’t understand what you mean! I was mocked at by her in front of her fellow colleagues for getting angry and not accepting the mistake, for showing no shame and for having guts to explain. I am 20, a literate and educated girl who knows the difference between right and wrong; who knows to judge and who has her own voice; also with no criminal record, if that is to count for.

 I can’t breathe in such a dictatorship environment. Why shall we respect your orders, when you yourself don’t respect the powers you have been given! You say this is for our benefit, hah! I differ to agree!  And I am ready have a debate. Let’s have a GD practice, for I missed so many of those lectures.

One more thing, back in school, we didn’t have fines, but there was discipline somehow. We were the same students back then too. I wonder what was different.

Pakhi

How it is for him

*read till the last para, coz' that has best described my life*

Having a non business minded person in family and that too your own dad is such a setback for your fresh mind bubbling with ideas. You wouldn't know what negative aspect he may bring next and your happiness factor will be slashed down to half. He is a very good critic; he analyses well and gives an honest opinion. Only most of the time, he forgets to elaborate on the positive points. It’s not that he is not supportive about my art; he lets me have my freedom, but when it comes to asking for compliments from dad, or a little help concerning my work, he doesn't seem that enthusiastic.

Lately one incident took place and I so wished I had not asked him to drop me at my clients. By the time I reached her place I was hot and red with anger and tears. Lack of patience, lack of understanding as to why the need to show your availability to your clients, lets him speak anything without realizing it’s hurting me deep. I don’t want to do an unsatisfactory job and leave an unsatisfied client. I wish I could explain him this; instead I always get “It’s no use arguing with you.” remark.

It’s not that he is worried about me spending so much, indeed he questions me sometimes why the need to charge so much from a client and asks me to focus on learning right now. See, there it is. It’s the non business mind speaking.  At first even I found it tough to price my work but then you have to, if you want to make your art your career; there is no other option.

I have been so upset for the last few days. Getting irritated by people around, crying off in room, not talking properly to family members, being annoyed at little things, shouting unnecessarily; facing all those mood swings after a long time. Although thankfully crying for career related issues increases your own importance in your life.

Same as my dad even I am not a marketing person, but I do want to spend these 2 years improvising the same. I feel I have moved ahead, at least from where I started. I read this book about a young entrepreneur and how he faced ‘annu aunty and opened a million dollar company’, so much of it is true for any youth in India, so much of it is my story. There are some teachings at the end of it; one of them says do not let your parents be a part of your business idea until you have done it big.

I am determined to do it big. You know I have lived those days back in school when I wanted to be a part of IITs and IIMs, unaware of where my interest lies; only to make everyone proud. Then there came a phase in my life where I accepted life as it is and wished no more but a happy married life. But now, I have entered a stage where I am doing what I love to and firm about my decision; where I want to achieve heights and leave a mark; where I am not blaming anyone because it’s solely my choice and where I am happy.

Pakhi

Happy Birthday DIDI

I don’t want to sound cheesy but I do want to say how much I love you and miss you. I can’t ‘awww’ much or send the e-kiss in form of ‘muaaaaah’ but I do want to wish a very cheerful and dramatic (in a good way) HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.  

I really love to have you as my elder sister, a friend, a guide and a big support. I do get irritated and may shout at times when you act like mummy but at the end I realize although you don’t stop me and even ask mom dad not to but you always sow in my heart a tiny little seed of wisdom to choose between right and wrong. And probably that is the reason my life has been an easy go most of the times.

I feel so happy to see you happy. Big thanks to jiju for that.  I have seen your crying days; and I love you so much that although I wouldn’t talk to you face to face, but I would cry alone and wanted to beat all those who made you feel so sick. You have been there for me always. Sometimes more than I have been for myself.  Times I lost all hope in me; you were there to show me the doors.  That’s more than being just didi. The sweetest part was and is, you cry for mistakes that are not even yours. You cry for us.

You are a wonderful person. A little over sensitive but we also need your kinds to make us feel so good. Otherwise one would die of the extreme practical nature of today’s world. May the almighty keep you happy and safe. May he doesn't do any more mistakes like he did when he forced an year old child to wear specs.  

Love you cutie pie :P

Yours only

Poodle

Being us is so awesome! :D 

I dont know what to Title IT.

I can’t FAKE it out.  It’s so hard for me to pretend I like a person when I don’t. Suppose I am out with a group of people, may be everybody likes everybody or maybe they have a problem with somebody but will still make it look normal on surface.

ME, I don’t have a surface! Whatever is in heart is served right there on the plate. I take the help of my best buddy, silence, in such situations although it makes it look so obvious. I don’t understand why the need to pretend?  First that person isn’t of any help to you, neither does he entertain you, (I am not being selfish or mean); just because stupid manners say you should be polite and humble one should fake? But don’t the same rules say something about honesty as well?

Anyway cut the crap. I wish I could simply shout at him for his irritating habit. Only because she told me not to otherwise IT will LEAVE A BAD IMPRESSION, I kept quiet, reallllly quiet. Shush quiet.

Did I tell you my mom is on FACEBOOK now? She is also practicing to speak fluent ENGlish. Plus she is doing pretty well in it, maintaining a regular diary, getting it checked by a teacher in bus, before that asking me to review it for any mistakes which I am so not allowed to correct with a red pen or else my 46 year old mom would jump into a 4 year old kid. It’s so cool you know. But the highlight is she is on Facebook. Suddenly dad also became active. Then came request from my aunt and cousin sisters (all married and mummies of big kids). In competition and complex, all the elderly people in my family are coming on facebook. It’s a nightmare. You can’t block them all, their children seem to be in our friend list, you can’t accept their friend request, god NO! You can’t be partial also by adding the modern papas and mummies of the family. One has to deal with it with intense care, selecting the right privacy settings, no NV status updates, they can be a blunder, No pictures chipkoying with guy friends, a big NO to that. Don’t be surprised when your mom’s inbox is flooded with messages talking about you, your pictures and of course that typical line, “kitni badhi hogai hai Pakhi.” Oh.my. god.

Recently I have come over that teenagish tickle I felt when a hot guy talked to me. NO I haven’t turned gay. I just feel more confident than before. It’s good, isn’t it?  What happened, where it happened, with whom it happened, how I drew this conclusion, every single detail will be shared when I feel like elaborating on that, as of now, I have thought to write under the title, ‘serendipity’.

Okay that’s about it for this post...

Signing off Curious minds

Pakhi

A lot of learning there

Stepping into the world of business will make you go crazy at the initial stage. Eventually as it starts working, as your idea finds a market and as you start making profit along with a lot of ups and downs, you start enjoying the fun part of it. Since right now I am a no body in this field, I shall talk about the hard ships. I don’t know how successful a person I will turn out to be (although I hope and believe to be one soon), I am writing about the failures and the little wins, about getting ditched and also finding that one supportive person, about the happiness of newly found independence and the pangs of loneliness.

I took a metro to CP all by myself at 6 30 in the morning. It was one hour away from where I was staying. I kept calling the person who was supposed to be my teacher here. It came out of coverage area giving me the impression that he has already left. In that one hour I kept making reasons for why I got 15 min late, made up some questions to ask him during the journey - is it a baby boy or girl, shoot is going to be in a hospital, will there be enough light and so on. I reached the showroom of UCB where he told me to meet. I could see no signs of him or his car. I sat there for one more hour waiting; the sun right there on the top and in Delhi’s incredible weather conditions, empty stomach, I waited. Furious, I called up my sister that I was heading back home.

What plans I had made while in Indore and what was happening in reality, it was like a punch in my face. I shut the door of my room and started with watching FRIENDS for I guess 4- 5 hrs straight; falling for the very sitcom I didn’t have much interest in earlier; laughing loudly for the first time during a TV serial, I fell in love with Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Rachel and Joey!  I waited for his call or a message; I didn’t expect someone to be that irresponsible with a girl in the capital. Didi and jiju trying all possible ways to cheer me up took me to watch Ghaachakkar. On our way back, I called him up, shouted, he apologized giving me next day’s schedule and I hung up.  I felt better, much better.

I did attend a couple of shoots, learnt how professional the guy had become in his work, how he was majorly interested in money and how his picture captions on FB page differed from what happened in reality, how he dealt with his clients and how irresponsible he was with his intern (ME), I learnt a lot.

Had I been a guy, he would have paid more attention, coz what appeared from his blue pink side bag for camera and other stuff, he was truly a happy and gay type fellow.

Anyway, let me not go into that.

For some reason, I think, my sister felt as if she was responsible somewhere. And also because she is my over carrying and sensitive sister, she tried to find alternatives, or at least some clients so that my coming to Delhi doesn’t go in vain. But I was simply not in a mood. Part of which was because of the 43 degree Celsius which was pissing me off.

Each day I would upload pictures, every minute checking for the no. of likes, getting depressed for no or little appreciation, even on receiving an inbox from people complimenting me and asking for rates, I couldn’t smile for there was no assurance that they will turn up again.

Sitting in air conditioned room, we decided to sponsor my FB page which was a happy prospect. Also we designed my catalog and it came out beautiful.  Since I was in Delhi, and its street markets are a heaven for shopaholics, I did exactly what you are thinking.

I have ideas brimming over my head. I am pretty good at my job. I can be better, no doubt, but more importantly I want to be better in marketing my art; the only reason why many talented people are found on roads, while the ones with that evil business mind build those roads. I used the word evil. May be I will be a business woman too in near future, but business is still evil. It’s how tactfully you win over someone even when you know that he is better than you. It’s the evil art of selling your art even when you know your buyers can have a better deal somewhere else.

I long for that one person I could have talked about this and also learnt. I still miss him and don’t know the reason for not staying in e-touch, for that was the only base of our relationship. May be people change and we can't do much about it. There comes a line of self respect at some point, and one better not cross it.

The moment I decided to make my career myself, to paint my future with colors I like, I have felt independent. I like the smell of it. My family and friends have always been supportive. But you can’t discuss everything with them. In case of friends even they must be going on with something or someone, and they must be having their life issues. I have felt drifted and aloof. And like any stupid romantic novel even I wish a handsome guy must cross the way of an independent lonely girl adding fun and support to her life.  

Grown up

Pakhi

In my Defence!

I have already written an entry on people calling me selfish but it was too emo and too not my types of an article to post. So I am writing another. Selfish part 2. Because I am still not satisfied.

I have heard randomly and sometimes they call for teasing me and you know, I hear it a lot. Like a lot. I ask them reasons; they give the typical line, “kaam k waqt yaad aati hai tujhe bas!”  I tell to elaborate and then they side it away saying “bas hai tu selfish.”  Not one not two, there are many; and I know it’s not a good count. But I have stopped giving a damn of what random people think about me. I mean I am me and I have never hurt you or took advantage of you or your situation. I never had bad intentions neither did anything in a mockery way. I needed you and you needed me, we are not two people who gel well together, but we are friends with benefits. And there is nothing wrong unless one starts to create in another’s *heart* false expectations; which for me is a bigger crime.Because that breaks one emotionally, changes one’s self, creates mistrust for people forever. On the other hand, being me just let you think I am selfish; nothing more nothing less.  You overlook the thin line between being selfish and over practical. I know I am not always correct but I like to keep distance because somewhere someone played the same trick with me and I got hurt; Very indeed. 

Yes I don’t call coz’ I was never a phone person except with 2 -3 who make sure they call me coz' they know I don’t. I don’t chit chat and I cant make that fake laugh nor can I come with random stupid topics or make a plan on phone that’s never going to happen; because I am not that person either. I am not interested in your silly life crap, I mean I was in those initial teenage years; right now I find it too kidish and boring to digest and would like to tell you to shut up and grow up! Hence I generally hang up and talk only when work. It’s not that Friends don’t play an important role in my life; I call myself a friend’s person. Fortunately god has given me some beautiful my kinds with whom I do talk for hours, with whom I share and discuss life crap.

We are at an age where we need to think beyond Friendship; where silly gossips and silly expectations shouldn't bother you and be a reason for your bad mood. We are at this age where being practical is not being selfish; where you don’t have to cry because she/ he doesn't make you feel needed. If they are your people they will always be your people.So stop trying being friends.Stop crying. Stop making comments. Stop right now.

Over practical,

But not so selfish,

Pakhi

Being Bee-sy

14.05.2012

A beginner in photography and a student in an engineering college. At one side there is this exciting project with a time limit and on the other are semester exams. Both equally demanding; and in both I want to give my best shot. It’s exciting and equally tough for I am the type who believes in last month study when it comes to RGPV exams.

There is a strange fun I am experiencing in this sudden pressure. It did make me nervous for a while but I am enjoying being so busy. I am happy doing something worthwhile. I am happy being away from the gossips and the usual friendly tensions.  I just want to drown myself in this workload and come out with some great results. I have never felt so highly excited for anything before.

Once you do what you love to, you don’t see it as some work. You never feel the burden. You never take it as boredom. You feel light as ever. You feel energized like never before. You start loving your life again! 

Pakhi


PS: I am loving it!

"Its 20! Its High Time!" - DAD

24^th April, 2013

HAH!

Same daily routine; College, gym, TV, FB, opening books and dozing off! Same old same old! Only exams are on their way and I have no idea how am I going to manage an 8 pointer.

Anyway this is not what I was supposed to be writing here. The incident took place a few days back. Not a big-big incident but a small dull family discussion for you all. I was just trying to feel all responsible and happy, mature and free, that I am going to turn twenty soon, when dad interrupted in a very serious tone,      “ You will turn twenty but you don’t have knowledge like that of a 20 year old.”

Ouch! That did hurt!

I tried to make a list of things for which I could say I have thorough knowledge about.  Since I am an Indian girl let me begin with Kitchen:

• Kitchen: ZERO
• General Knowledge/ Awareness: Almost ZERO
• Any interests- Cars/Bikes/ Movies-actor, actresses/ Pets:  approximately 10 percent
• Photography: 50 percent
• City Knowledge: 20 percent
• Politics\Indian History: HAHA! Leave.
• Sports: Tennis ( that too not stable)
• Gym\Diet Plan: No research done after what the gym trainer told.  (: |)
• Shopping stores, Brands: I go, I buy. That’s always the story. 

Okay let me not humiliate myself more on this social platform. But you got the point, right?  Pretty bad status, isn’t it? And then I taunt others. I taunt some for not attending college and wasting time. What good has college done to me, haan? I go, wait till lecturer takes the attendance and leaves. That’s what I go there for. I have no idea what instrumentation, what electronics! I don’t know why the current is flowing a particular direction, why the voltage increases, why to change analog to digital, why whatever!      

Yes I blame myself! Obviously! And it’s not that I don’t understand the logic behind the machines my mechanical sir teaches, it’s just that I find myself hardly interested in that greasy area!

Tell me is it my fault? 

*sob sob*

I also tried to read some great book on Indian civilization, how the Aryans came, our origin, then gradually entering into Mughal era; But I stopped it there. Haven’t picked it up yet! And apparently when the touch is lost into something you were already doing out of pressure, the things start to erase from your memory. At least they did from mine.  

NO! NO! I will never say time is the problem. Two years back while I was a PCM student running from school to 4hrs coaching classes to hours of assignment sheets plus the in between tests, I did learn not to blame time if not anything else. Yes my love for a good sound sleep has never ever stopped…but! Anyway…

Isn’t it such a sorry state? Being in the world where information about anything and everything is just a click away, I am living in pure ignorance. I am feeling bad really bad. I do hope this spark of interest in me doesn't go off with a blink like always; indeed it shall stay and become stronger with time.

Deeply in thought,

Pakhi

PS: Well just for info is it just my story? Or you there (pointing majorly towards the girl half) lie almost in the same situation? 

I completed with 1000 likes on my fb page recently! :D I wish to do more! I hope to enter into this field soon!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Paridhi-JainPhotography/354784684551328


PS: This is a wall my room i drew some faces on! :) 

PEOPLE. COLORFUL PEOPLE.

Today I chose to write about the people around me; most of them my age, living with parents just like I am. It’s so interesting to observe them. They are all so different yet they manage to find themselves in the pit of sadness for a while. For those who don’t know them much, they are entirely different persons but if you look deep within, they have got a beautiful heart.

I will start with this girl I am friends with for over 3 and a half years. She is of my caste and religion and the only neighborhood friend I have; also my major inspiration behind this write-up. If you will hear her story, you will find yourself in a much better situation, believe me. Of course until your mom is also a narrow minded small town lady, who had been in depression for a year and you have got a 12 years younger brother to take care of with financial condition not being that great. Despite all these tensions, she manages to laugh and chatter; to watch movies, get into some relationships and still be an eight pointer.

Moving on to a jackass who has been a real sweetheart for me lately. Well if you ask me the exact amount I don’t know, but yeah he is rich. He is rich yet a down to earth kameena with nexus and iphone 5 in both his pockets. The heart is pure as gold, but outside he portrays a very different picture. Well at least I think he does. What he will show to the world is a don’t care attitude, being rough and tough, usage of gawaar language packed with self created abusive inputs. But what I think, he probably is, is a sweet guy, who will take care of his people with a selfless attitude. He does expect some care in return but won’t ever say it. It’s not his ego but yeah something doesn’t let him speak his heart out which he would fake by using some socially unacceptable crap of his. I am not a doc but as a friend I feel he has got depth inside; once he knows that you understand he will start sharing.

Switching on to a wonderful friend of mine; he is the best friend for all of us. I don’t know a single soul who hates him or might have except of course our science teacher in class 7^th. Until few years back everything was fine for him, loving home, loving parents, and loving friends of course. But recent fights between his parents is what I think, he least deserves. He doesn’t share it with me although and would pretend everything is normal inside his head; all I hope is that it really is.

It took me nearly two years to from an opinion for a close college friend I am now going to talk about. Because until now, my views for her had never been constant; not in terms of good or bad but her degree of closeness to me. They kept varying with my mood or with life and mess. She is sweet, she is carrying, and she will be there for you but up to a certain limit.  She has set her boundaries and priorities well back in life and in no cost she changes them. Family always seems to be her first and the last priority. She makes friends, have fun with them, give them time as well but she is not willing to give them her whole heart and soul, not even to few. At first I didn’t like it much (me being a total friend person) but later on realized it’s her life and her outlook towards friendship. It’s her fear and her decision to be all clear and detached.

Another college friend is totally opposite to the one mentioned above. She loves people insanely which for me isn’t normal as well. She gets attached and then super attached unable to understand that the world is not a safe place to be anymore. She lives in a world of fantasy when it comes to friends. I believe this girl has a lot to learn. Also instead of giving someone else the right to keep changing her mind, she must have her own belief system, her own practical view point towards life and life related issues.

List of people will never end. I will keep adding my views and opinions as I continue to meet and understand human beings and their emotions; for somehow I love to observe people and probably the answer to why I love capturing them through my lenses. Rather capturing the hidden.

From a keen observer,

Pakhi

 PS : Be nice to me. You might me the next i choose to write :P 

Happy Goes Lucky Goes SCAREDeeeeee!

It’s totally weird and it’s weirdly real! It’s unearthly for me not to have any kind of ups and downs; not to have those sudden pangs of loneliness and unhappiness; not to be found crying in room or on phone talking to besties about sad entangled mess I belong to. It’s like I have found the answer to eternal happiness and no can do me wrong. No can destroy my inner peace!

Okay that went a little dramatic, agreed; but seriously, all these days I have been searching for one sad end that I can pen down about, one mood swing I can tell you guys about, anything that was out of the normal routine life, but to my surprise- none did I find!

And today a friend asked, “What happened to your blogging Paridhi?”

 Jeez! you care! Really? WOW! YAYie!

So this entry is going to be about all the random stuff - happening, non happening; all the happy stories that make me smile before I go to sleep; all the new things in my life. This entry is either going to bore you or leave you with a smile on your silly poker face.

Here it goes…

Like broken bones *some* broken relationships can be repaired. It just takes time to heal the fractured part and then everything joins back. And I am glad it happened with me too. A friend I never wanted to have awkward relations with is back in my happy -happy life making it much happier! Oshin Lonsare that one goes for you!

I have always wanted to have a group of friends whom I could proudly tag as *friends forever*, only I realized it much later I already have them! Best Friends I made in school have stuck by me through thick and thin. Trains and flights separate us now, yet whenever we meet nothing seems to have changed. And that feeling is fricking awesome!

Yes I am a friend’s person and I am totally and proudly one! I can’t call anybody my bestie just like that; they can be my very good friends, close friends, but bestie, that term can’t be used so loosely! I know these days even a boyfriend- girlfriend is made within seconds but hey sorry! When I say best friends forever, I mean it. And I am glad I have *my people*. I am lucky I have my extended family!

Since you all belong to my *blog reading club* I give you equal rights as any of my friends. So I will let you know something, however embarrassing it may sound, it’s like I have got this huge crush on one of my gym trainers! This sentence has given you enough information, hasn’t it? Hehe! Look I don’t believe in getting skinny thin (not possible even) or fatty fat. I want a fit body, body that can run miles, that can bend as and when required, that can endure stress and I hope, I sincerely hope to be that body. A body that can later on proudly flirt with that gym trainer I was talking about! Eeeeee!

I am shining! All the sweat and calories I burn it shows on my face. The right attitude I am filled with makes my eyes gleam! The good people I have around me make my heart jump! The less I need, the better it makes me feel. Control over my senses has definitely empowered me with an everlasting satisfaction! And believe me it’s the best you can feel. And I swear this paragraph was written entirely by me. No copying! 

Lately the only thing that is giving me heebie-jeebies is to decide what path to take after Graduation. The clock is ticking and I have to reach to an answer soon! Still 2 to 3 months left to prepare my mind so this part will be elaborated in my future entries.

I am running out of money as well. Gym membership, skin treatment doesn’t really leave me with an option to ask dad for pocket money! So that makes my lips curl the wrong direction! But ohkay, I force my friends to give me treats and well you know how it all goes…(Ankita Deshpande and Oshin Lonsare must be wishing to kill me right now! :P )

So all in all, Present is going on great. I wish I could have had a stable earning by now; still figuring out how I can improve upon my marketing skills and also time management, which has always been my dads’ favorite reason to scold me. 

PS:  Results for 3^rd semester (yeah this is how it is in RGPV) can come any moment, so its better I end my Happy go lucky life article here only. It’s true however good the present may be, future still lies in shadow.

Damn! Suddenly I am scared!I am so scared! 

O.o

Pakhi

Being GREATful

 I have a big heart to lend my things, but not big enough to accept an ungrateful attitude. I am generous enough to share my belongings but not enough to not care about your thanklessness!

Not pointing anyone in particular but yes this entry has been influenced by some recent events in my life. I am sad the way people have turned out. I am sad to see the change; bad change. You can’t take me or my things for granted. Why me alone? You shouldn’t take anybody for granted. Being obliged is one of the first few things we are taught. And it doesn’t mean for few weeks or few years, it entails for a life time.

I am not some saint mahatma. I am simply human who would like a ‘thank you’ look instead of a casual expression of “what’s mine is also yours”! It’s not! It’s just because I never put a lock. It’s just because I never say a NO! But what shocks me is that I don’t receive the same vibes!

And this unthankful attitude sometimes wants me to pack up my things and keep the key to myself; to be unreachable; to be private.  But I guess that’s not me. I wished you could understand.

Pakhi

Aahans Photo shoot

My first attempt in shooting kids. Its not easy to click their picture, you cant ask them to look this side neither can you make them sit at a place. They constantly run away making you run after them. Only advantage you have with them is whichever expression they give, they always look adorable. It makes any picture look lovely.and leaves you with a tough choice for selecting the best.

The Unforgettable Day

They don’t have parents. They don’t have someone they can put their demands on rightfully. They don’t have permission to step out of the premises of the orphanage. They do what they are told to do, nothing less nothing more. They accept what they get with smiling faces and they suppress their inner wishes with the same. They are kids; they are naïve; they are just 5- 10 years old yet they have an understanding like that of an adult. They know that until and unless its sheer luck, they are never going to get the childhood they deserve…

It was a beautiful day today. No, not because of the weather neither for it was a Sunday and my parents were out of station; But because I gave my bit to these kids today. Especially to this 5 year old girl who kept on holding my hand and playing with my purse. I felt at peace. I wanted her to keep holding it and I guess she wanted the same. 

For those who don’t understand what they are reading, just go and share time with these children, because they are always waiting for you. For those who think they are done living in this selfish world, go to an orphanage, give your love and you will come back home happier than ever. Just do it!

Pakhi
17.02.13

PS: (referring to Aahaan members) I am glad that I have group of people with whom I can share this feeling.

Being Happy

                                                                          

I don’t want to say it again and again and jinx it, but I have been living a really happy life lately. I have got people complaining about theirs and I am like, haha that was my past, my silly old past! C’mon stop cribbing; there is so much to do! They end it with, “Leave, you won’t understand.” 

Stability both emotionally and socially is a new experience for me right now and I am loving it, more importantly my parents are loving it. That makes me jollier.

‘Log toh kahenge he, logo ka kaam hai kehna’; once you overcome this fear, life seems so colorful. You just see the positive; you just see what you want to see out of the situation, out of the people. There is not much theory into this. No philosophical books by great writers can help, unless YOU decide to stop caring about anything and everything. Anyway I don’t want to go into all that teaching giving and make this article a bore…

All I meant to tell was, each day I feel I am living and not just surviving. 

Simply happy,

Pakhi