Dreams

Dreams, you can't control, Dreams, you can't hide

Dreams you have been suppressing, Dreams that never died.

It's our sixth semester, one more year  for us to be safely caged in our college lives before we enter into the bizarre competitive world. The very idea is freezing me inside. Not long before I was dying to break the bars and now I find myself sitting in a dark corner, stupefied, doodling my new start point when all of this will come to an end... Ishhhh! To be on your own, it's a hard thing to think upon, isn't it? Today when I see my future rivals, I get these goose bumps; If you find people denying the adrenaline rush, then either they are too good and believers of their own art, or are simply lying. But anyway who I am to say!

The good thing happening to me presently is (honestly I never expected I would be averring this in my four years of Medicaps but nevertheless ) I am sort of enjoying college. Haha ! You may end up calling me capricious as my GRE aspirants friends do but really what seemed a bore an year ago has turned into a fun ride, more or less. Canteens food is tasty, conversations with the philosophical guy never seems to end, there is a hot CC to drool over, the good friend made in the first semester has turned into one of the best chums now, the CAT girl and her CAT crazy stuff appears a lot funnier than they used to, the guy who would poke you, slap you and play with your hair and constantly vex you during the six hours period makes the lectures bearable indeed, the backbenchers and their constant contribution to noise pollution is good in a way that teachers never catch your pranks plus you also have a laugh or two! There are dozens of other reasons for me to bask in these times spent in school! I mean grad school.

Coming back to dreams, I wish to turn into that engineer who has nothing to do with even the E of engineering after college. You know those Chetan Bhagat or Varun Agrawal types. Cargos and a Tee, bag pack and a messy bun, Nike shoes and shades and I am off to my paradise clicking masterpieces. It's amusing how I have love for both the elegant Indian cotton saaree look with a hot blouse and a lil' eye makeup and the one described formerly. I think I can manage both. Ummm yep! A lot of day dreaming in the sixty minutes drive to college and a daffy chat with me regarding my after grad life may give you a lunatic struggling woman look but hey! I really mean each of that dreamy conversation I might have with you. I do!

 You know I hate Arijit Singh and his lovey dovey songs, makes me feel so single this Valentines. hmph! :P Then there is this friend asking me to deliver the rose and a chocolate to his girl friend for he is unable to is like a churiii pierced into my heart, or was that an intentional joke played on me? Ooooo! I loathe such deadpan humor! Grrr!  But Noo!! I don’t  really mean any of it. It's just the innate drama queen in me speaking. I don't feel a single who is ready to mingle right now. I smell more like an ambitious dame who although is cozily sitting in her parents nest, but inside her is a volcano ready to erupt and melt the world with her talent. Oooo such are my dreams...

...and I am a believer of dreaming BIG. 

Pakhi

PS: Of course expect my future entries also to be based on career and ambitions, aim and competitive exams          and how my weak lil' heart deals with all the undue pressure. I may surprise you with few placement              interviews too! Stay tuned! 

Scribbling life

20.1.2014

11: 55pm

Usually I write in my room. Actually always. It's a beautiful  11 by  17 feet room, with one wall painted in red and a wall clock as a happy memory of school time hung against it. The night lamp glowing in a corner gives it a feel of a writers paradise, well at least to me. The low height bed, sorry the HUGE low height bed is where I will be found the most. There are cute lil' photo frames kept here and there, taking me back to the past. A study table and a large cupboard above is the part I seldom use. But never the less, they are regularly dusted and kept shining. Aah! My room, it's just perfect.

Alas! I have been kicked out of it and been allotted living room for the time being. Two low height deewans (my family is crazy for low height sittings, no doubt), a pc, a TV, a sound system and kitchen few steps away! Nothing to worry!  Except for the mosquitoes who somehow find a way to my face and especially my ear humming their stupid songs all night long. Such irritating creatures! And god knows what 'all-out' does except eating up my money! Hmph!

So why kicked out? I was expecting you guys will deduce. But anyway. You see I live in India and my family is very much a big fat Indian family. Guests, thus being a day to day affair.

This is the first time in the past few months that I have a time alone and no burden of editing pictures or studies. Although my eyes do feel heavy and tired plus I need to wake up early morning to hit the gym. Grr. I really envy the skinny chicks out there. A break due to exams and now I am dying of muscular spasm. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Why such partiality god! WHY! What wrong did I possibly do in past life to deserve this, haan?  I am sure all the fat women only invented the inner beauty and blah blah quotes; sayings that all the body-shody doesn't matter, it's your soul people see. But when people won't notice you only, how will they get a chance to see what's inside, haan? Huh! Sheer Dumbness!

Errrrrrrrr. Please accept my sincere apologies for the above para. Changing the topic…I had that drowning experience yesterday. I came across this page, every picture was so beautiful, I wished I had clicked it. It wasn't his photography that was killing me, but the fact that people can earn if they want to. There is a lot of scope and competition but if you are good then a bucket full of hardwork with a lil' bit of faith in yourself and a pinch of luck can do wonders. Really! I am glad that I am doing what I love. I am happy that unlike the rest of the world I am not running after GRE or CAT. My mind is constantly finding ways to improvise my photography and business skills. I felt low because there came a stagnation at one point; and I didn't quite understand how to come over it. I knew it was a part and parcel of the business world; yet being the creative soul no excitement drained out all energy I had within. Coming back to yesterdays guy, I messaged him today, and what great than a sort of compliment on my work from the very him. I am not saying he is great, but yes better than me, definitely; And what better news than the fact that they do take interns! After four people declining my request as an intern, one's whose work I really loved accepting it! 

Hurray! 

So I have plans to go to Calcutta soon. YAYiee! 

That's all that is going on in my life presently. College seems okayish and it's the end of third year; I have pretty much adjusted to whatsoever environment I get here. NO complains.

People are weird; you can't help it. 

Pakhi

A letter to Arpanikita

It was their Second Wedding Anniversary and a pictorial story of their journey together was the best gift I could have thought of...

^_^

...one of the pages in my picture book read,

Aaahaa! What a beautiful collection of pictures! With full modesty I accept all the compliments, thank you- thank you! Haha! Jokes apart, Didi and Jiju, you both know how much we all love you; You are the reason the two most amazing families met and became one; Thank you to the two sets of mummyjis and papajis to look up your names in the patrika and calling their respective panditjis. And bless you panditjis and whoever behind the making of this beautiful couple, you did a wonderful job!

Cheers to your two years of togetherness! Your frequent visits to Indore have always been such a delight. After all they add a no. of food stations to my life and fill my cupboard with a pile of clothes from janpat and sarojini. Haha! I am such a lucky sister and a luckier saali. The glow on moms face each time you guys come is not hidden from any of us. Also my emotional dad sometimes shed a tear or two out of extreme happiness at seeing you both. You guys have made me believe in arrange marriages, not that I was ever against; only it’s a common topic of debate and I have the best example in front of me to speak in for the motion.

I wish you both from each member of the family a very happy married life; a lil chiggu whose pictures would be clicked monthly and who would be all pampered by her/his maasi! Space limits me otherwise I could have gone on and on…

Loads and loads of  love,

Pakhi

Sev ki kahanii, meri zubaani

Born in Ratlam and brought up in Indore, sev run in my very veins. If you think I mean namkeen, then you are certainly mistaken. They are SE-O, exactly the way I have put it. You bump into an Indori, you are bound to hear tales about the variety of sevs we proudly consume; from khatta meetha to tez tarrar, from ratlami to beekaneri, from long to heeng, from bhel waale sev to mote sev. Don't be shocked if you find us sprinkling a handful of sev on almost every dish we eat. Indeed we provide sev ki sabji in weddings too, be it Sayaji or pappu ka dhaaba, a sev ki sabji in the menu is a must! While I was a kid, spicy vegetables was a big no-no; but a bowl full of sev didn’t affect me at all; it was an act of sheer pleasure. As teenage arrived, my habit of sev eating was visible all over my face, yet I just couldn’t let it go. For us Indorians being  a seo-holic is a matter of pride. It defines us. In college, the moment everybody open their tiffin, I jump on the one who gets the lil' dabba of sev along with the regular roti-sabji. Aah bless them all. If you are meeting an Indori who by misfortune has to live outside this beautiful city of food, to earn some extra bucks and wondering what to take along; a packet of fresh sev would be enough. No not the the Haldirams, mind you! They are good, no doubt; but we love and promote our local shops more. You can get them at Nakoda on kanadia road or from Mahendra near saket paan wala if in my area else you can just google it, Google baba shall know the sev hotspots in Indore. I would conclude with a fact; A hardcore Indori can never give up on two things; being called an Indori even if he is residing in some US city and well of course, the legendary SE-O!

Jai ho!

Jai Bhiyo

Jai Seo!

Pakhi

To Joshi

2.12.2013

9:23 pm

Vipulllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Long time I wanted to write something for you; something about you. Thought by birthday it would be done, but naah, as if the universe was trying all its force to stop me. But hey I fought, skipping Sayajis yummy delicacies I am trying to scribble something I had long planned.

I am happy to have met a person like you, Vipul. Easy  to go, living life his way, not caring about the society, not faking out for the people around; I like you just the way you are. Yes we do make fun of your reactions, yes we keep puling your leg but the best part is,  you don’t pretend to be someone else, just to fit in. Apart from many rare things you are born with ( I am Paridhi and its my soul right to tease :P ), this quality in you is the rarest and the best thing about you.

I would come to your cooking skills later, now that you owe me some of your sandwiches (even the rice would do) ; It's good to know a guy who is so open about his emotions. Our time to time Fb chats, discussing over random feelings and issues, you have a filled a space in my jigsaw puzzle dude.

For the rest of you who are reading this, this guy is the first I have met, who planned a b'day gift for his mom or who was bold enough to tell. He lives away from his parents, travels alone to cities, he is again a person who is happy with a book (geography book for some rare reasons), coffee and ticket to anywhere on the planet. You meet him, you greet and you will end up with a long chat, FOR SURE. Topic, it could be anything. Sports to Kitchen; History to Bollywood; Virtual to reality any damn thing, so don't worry just say a  Hi.

Joshi, It's great have you as our friend. It's great to have the worlds tastiest tiffin around waiting to be eaten at quarter past twelve. Haha! I was really glad to hear that you enjoyed your b'day, the end of teen  and the start of a new journey…

Wish you all the very best in life. Wish you get a life you would love, a partner who would love you…

Your nautanki Friend

Paridhi 

aka LOL Jain

The Break-UP

Life without you is really cool. I mean it. I was tired of being available 24*7! Three years of you and I badly needed a break. I know you are very important and pretty famous too these days but bullshit! I am sorry but I really wanted some time with myself; These are crucial years of my life and I wanted no one to pull me back. Along with momentary fun you have also given me heart aches, you know, but just to lessen the drama I never confessed it. Now I am. Of course  I have had fun with you too, you were always there no matter what, I met new interesting people through you but it's time we depart, for a while may be but we must. I have changed, I feel more mature and less jobless. I feel to spend time in more constructive things rather and with people who give me happiness in true sense. No I am not upset neither is it any of my mood swings like others are sensing; it's me in completely fine state biding you farewell.

At Peace

Pakhi

I really never had a chance to write a break up letter before so I thought why not! Haha! Just to tell you guys, I was a sincere whatsapp user; indeed one of the earliest birds who had a phone with this app. And so it was just a few WA people in my list back then. But now being online for everyone every time, constant messages, the groups vibrating all day long, also those insomniacs messing your sleep; I started to hate this very app I teased the WA-less community earlier for. I was cheesed off with my own  habit of checking the phone every now and then. Also it wasn't that every time your phone was buzzing with messages; when it didn't I found myself completely clueless about how to pass time; a perfect situation for all the negative thoughts to dwell in my head. The most irritating part was when people, to save on their balance, would WA you the smallest of details and would force you to do the same. ME, I am not good with touch phones and whenever such situation occurred I felt like throwing my brand new b'day gift. I was pulled back to old qwerty keypad for the same reason. I really miss those old phone call times. Three to four phone friends, laughing and sharing life. Or even the SMS times were good enough. At least you didn't appear online or your inbox wasn't filled with 'Why you ignoring me' messages, from people who believe me won't care even if I die.The funniest part of all was on deleting WA, hardly two to three people called me to ask why, and all of them thought something miserable has happened. NO NO NO! It's just I have been wanting to do it for long, but couldn't for this and that reason; the easy access to assignments and practical files you know; but easy access of ME was simply not my intention. Life is okay with few people in it; but few real people.

Pakhi

C'mon You Guys!

Have to prepare two presentations in one night yet I am sitting idly, eyes glued to my facebook page, checking for updates every now and then.  I am so excited about my future. Of course there are going to be times where I can lose all hope and break, I just passed through one but then  you have to be fighter, a creative one indeed. One has to evolve new methods, come up with exciting strategies which keep boosting you up! Yesterday something magical happened; 500 likes on a picture clicked by me in some 40 minutes was unbelievable! A totally *jumping japang jumpuk jumpuk* situation!

I feel proud of the fact that I have never ever hidden anything from my parents. I do belong to that harebrained lot! I do crazy stuff. Yet I am aware of my limits and my freedom. Not praising myself here, no intentions too, only feeling lucky to have these awesome guys as parents! I still remember how well they supported me when I was going through a depressing phase an year back, and it was all about the boy issue, but then I had my dad believing in me and cheering me up! I had my mom filling me with positivity! It's definitely the results of some good deeds in former life, I am so sure of it! I am easily given permission because they know they can trust me, I am allowed to travel alone without a second thought, I am allowed to hang out with guys and meet new people; Unlike other girls of my age, I have never been grounded, never ever the internet facility or mobile phones were snatched away, never did they inquire about whom I texted  with or chatted on facebook or questioned any of my pictures. You know even if you want to try something which your parents don't agree of at first, you have to make them see your view points. You should debate and win that if you believe in your decision; We share a generation gap with them and no doubt there are going to be hitches in the journey. I have found friends entering into relationships and afraid to reveal it to their parents, general case in India. I have found them lying to their parents. I have found them complaining about the junked thoughts of their parents yet I have also found them with a sense of guilt. Guilt, why does that come? If you think you are on the right track, why then the quandary!

Isn't that something to ponder about! Be firm about your decisions and be confident to face anybody  belying them. Teenage is where you make mistakes, learn and grow. But entering twenty and still not sure of your choices, well it's time for some introspection, isn't it?

Pakhi